People keep saying that I am home now, but I have never feel the same again to live in this place. It feels different now. I've been away for about five years, and there's a huge gap between the memories of my teenager life and my new life now. So, in the moment, I've been telling my self and others that it's only temporary.
Being away from home really change who I am inside and out. I've got used to be alone and doing things on my own. Then, suddenly I have to come back again, I haven't settled in yet. Just still feel that something is not right. Maybe I just need times to adapt to a whole new situation.
Well, I am a psychology bachelor now. The funny part is, I don't feel different at all. Probably because at the moment I am now a student, again. I applied for a Master program in one of the most famous university in town and I got accepted. I got into the science program, which won't allow me to be a psychologist. Many people wonder why I didn't apply for it, and sometimes I keep asking my self why.
The truth is, I was so scared. I was so scared not to be accepted in that program, therefore I took the easy way and apply for the easy program instead. I still keep my self from wondering, what the hell was I afraid of? And sometimes, remembering that time makes me think that actually I doubt myself, my ability, that's why I never had the courage to apply for it. But then, I met those wonderful professors in my department who encourage me that what I chose was the best. That, God has planned everything for us and what He gave to us is the best for us at the moment, whether you like it or not. Then, they opened my eyes about the things that I could do after I graduate. Some people also remind me, how I love to teach and how I really want to be a teacher/lecturer, and by entering this program, I can achieve it better.
Sometimes, I don't know whether my thoughts are just my defense mechanism of denying what I actually wants, but I plan to graduate soon. Being the best in my class and continue my study again, later. Then, if I think I still wanna be a psychologist, I will enter the program in the future, no matter how old I will be at that time.
I believe that the big Guy up there has made a beautiful life ahead me. So, I will not regret and I will move on. It's been hard for me to keep this story to myself, now I am glad I can write it down and share it to the world.
And now, I will start my new chapter .. in the new place, with new friends, with new adventures and experiences, and I can't wait to face it soon!
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